Up all night got demons to fight

These past few days have been intense and chaotic! I kind of enjoy it though because I work well under pressure. You know Im still amazed at how people can say they're your friend then do something heinous to you. Today was a nice break from some dramatic people. I went to Riverside with Fernie to take his mom some papers, we came back to orange and actually went mini golfing! I won by one point but...I got hurt while we were playing! I tried to be cute and funny and play with the golf ball and the ball ended up hitting me in the mouth and made me bleed. No joke, I was laughing! It hurt but, it was just so funny! Then got home and went to my aunts house, its nice to have such an amazing family. I am so thankful to have such an amazing and helpful family. Whenever someone is in need they bend over backwards to make sure that they are being helped. It just so amazing. I love christmas time! I cant say it enough! I love shopping for everyone's gifts, the decorating, and the dressing up.Oh not to mention all the great songs they play at work "last christmas I gave you my heart but, the very next day..you gave it away...." ....Thats my favorite one. I get happy everytime I hear it! Dream a little dream of me came on right now and I love it. I am supposed to have a dinner date tomorrow, and Im so excited. Im sort of in a dilemma...I have more than 2 guys to choose from. Im trying to get to know them all and make sure my decision is right. I just dont know if thats right though? Im not doing anything more than going out on little dates...but can it still be crossing the line?? Im so lost, I honestly have no idea! So my paycheck is coming on friday, so excited to get everyone things. I am getting my sister some new clothes and my mom some jewelry from work and aldo! Her Birthday is thursday! Im so excited! Im also getting my self a tattoo for christmas! Im going to get three little kiss marks like the picture on top. Each kiss represents my momma, my sister and me! You know what..Im thankful for the amazing family I have been given. Everyone in my family is just such an amazing person in thier own way. I see when others are in need they all pitch in to help. Its just amazing at how blessed I am to have them around. I miss my grandpa, I knew he would have loved the new puppy we have. I hope I get to visit his grave soon, its been ages since I have been there. Well I should finish this up, Im getting a little tired. Im going to watch a movie called "christmas in handcuffs" so cute! goodnight everyone!

"And all my magic will keep you dizzy with desire"

I want to start this off by saying, its raining! I love when it rains. It sets many moods. Listening to since you're gone by the cars and rain drops is heaven. Work was very busy today, I wore my boots and a new brown sweater I bought...big mistake! My boots havent been broken into yet...so now I have blisters and sore feet. Its ok though, my outfit was so cute. This week has been so topsy turvy, I feel like Im in a flim. I feel so tired, hopefully tomorrow I get to sleep in and then have a fun night out! Today I woke up, got ready and left to work with Fernie. Went to work, worked(obviously), then Fernie took me to eat In N Out! I was so hungry! I was a beast...I dont care, I was starving! Being the fitting room attendant is not an easy job! There are so many things you have to do and be sure to do. I was always busy with one thing or another. My feet and back are hurting but, its all worth it! Tomorrow I plan to go out to TGIFridays..let Ashley have her drinks and then head off the meet the guys for a game of bowling and hookah session after. I need some fun in my life. Ashley gives me that. We are laughing and having fun the whole time. Funny how people can surprise you. I have learned dont judge alot, people will turn around and be the opposite of what you thought. I hope I can get one nights good rest, Im in dire need for it! I want to say that I have been better...but I feel ok now. I think I can finally accept how things are and move on with my life. We cant dwell in the past...thats something I know I have to work on. I turn to the past alot and its not the smartest idea because I feel sad after. Luckly I have so many amazing friends who have come out and said "I will never leave your side Gianna". those are the kind of people I need to surround myself with. Not people who are going to leave when things are rough. Many friends have proved themselves to me. little things they say or do count. I love them all for being here when I was in need of sympathy and care. They snapped me out of it and helped me smile and forget. I think about things..but time heals....slowly but time does heal. Oh this morning I found a huge nasty bruise on my thigh. This is something that would only happen to me. I stumbled a little and BAM hit myself on this metal part of the car door. I am so clumsy! I dont know how many times I almost fell at work...imagine how embarrassing that would be!! I think it would be funny though, you have to learn to laugh at yourself when you do something dumb. Seriously people, dont take yourself so seriously! Sometimes being at work makes me realize how mean and rude some people are out there. I go out there with a smile and am always sweet! Some people were never brought up with manners! Its so sad and I pity the because nobody likes rude and snooty people! do you?? I didnt think so! Some will say thank you with a smile and others are shady and wont even say thank you...much less a smile! People these days..so pathetic! Im so excited for this weekend, I hope that everyone is good! I wanted to say thank you to you people who sit there and actually read this. You all are beautiful and amazing people. Never hesitate to post something..OH YES!..... I have decided that I will be selling some clothes that is in good condition! I have some things I need to clear with my bank and I need to buy some packaging for everything. Photos might be taken tomorrow and post will be up soon for it. They will all be on the cheaper side, I know not everyone has money these days. Some of these clothes I haven't even worn! I warn that I am small, therefore all I have are smalls and mediums! Thank you again everyone. Goodnight all you lovely people.




xoxo

By blood and by mean, I fall when you leave

Im so glad I woke up when I did. My dream was so messed up, why must I dream about people I dont want to? I got up and got ready, then went to big lots and DSW! I bought some new boots! I had to get them, they were $50.00...not bad at all! I was supposed to get a flannel for windy city day but didnt....tomorrow maybe. I need to save money for this weekend. Im going out to eat and then a hookah bar on friday. I need some time out and having fun. I need to meet more people and have more friends! I feel alot better today, I broke down maybe one but after that Ive been ok! Well today I went to work at 2....got out at 7:12...got picked up around 9! I was waiting outside in the cold for my mah to get there! I was so cold i was shivering still when i got home. My hands and arms went numb, it was so sad. Got into the car and my mom felt so bad she bought me starbucks..I got a hot chocolate. Then we went to papa johns and ordered pizza. It was soo yummy, I hadnt eaten all day! While at work I got into a tiff with a customer. She was mad about us not taking merchandise off the mannequin! I stayed sweet the whole time though! It was insane and I was so upset, my back hurt and it was all just maddness! the worst was freezing though. I still am shivering a little! I bought 3 new movies! I bought my little sister Identity, she loves it. Then I bought myself blood and chocolate and love&cigarettes. Im trying to save some money so I can get my Karma Police tattoo. I dont care what happened between me and my "ex" bestie...Im going to get my tattoo...it was my idea to do it in the first place anyways. I have a whole list but the rest can wait! thats all that really happened today. Im getting thirsty, I need to take advil for my back also. I have something to say before I finish this blog....dont take advantage of the people you have in your life..ever. You have to appreciate them because one day they could leave. trust me, its one of the worst feelings ever. Dont do it to people who you care about. Let them know you love them and care for them and appreciate all that they do for you. thats all lol, take my advice....I know from experience! I think im getting a cold! hope everyone reading this learns something! goodnight everyone.





xoxo

Tell me when you hear my silence, youre the only one that knows.

Have you ever had someone very important in youre life just walk out and leave you...Ive had that happen twise. This feeling is like nothing else in the world. You feel lost and alone, the next day is the worst. You place all your trust in someone and you give them your all because you believe in them. Then they turn around and do that. I cant explain how my heart feels right now. the first time was a lover, the worst was when my bestfriend left. They tell you you deserve better but then they do it..and its worse...so much worse. I feel so messed up in my head, I feel sick with heartbreak and anger. This is why I have trust issues, and why I need a therapist. I need a break from everything right now.

"tell me when you hear my heart stop"

November was such a busy month, there was so much going on. I did get to see new moon opening night! I tried so hard not to cry when Edward leaves her because I understand what its like to be left so suddenly. I also know what it is like to have a best friend save you. I loved the movie and the soundtrack is amazing, I cannot stop listening to it! Thanksgiving was a little small get together but it was still fun, it was a night of gay men and wii. priceless! On a sad note I found out I was negative in my account....$240. I got my first paycheck last weekend and that was $56 for orientation and 2 days of training haha. My second paycheck was a higher but I have to give it to the bank! Soooo sad! Work has been keeping me pretty busy, and I love it. I got to go to temecula last weekend and visit my family! It was sooo nice. John(baby brother) is getting so big its crazy, he's such a cutie pie. I had alot of fun, I want to go back soon! BIG NEWS! I started up my own business. I am a member of NuSkin. They sell anti aging things that really do work, I have seen them first hand. They sell make up, hair products, vitamins that help fight off cancer, and so much more. When i get more into the business I will tell you all more about it! Its so exciting because there are so many people out there who are interested in this! Oh about this weekend, I learned something new. I dont have time to waste on people who dont make time for me. I was supposed to catch up with someone who I liked and had been talking to. Totally blew me off and no text since then. So I have went out and met new people!! I actually got asked if I wanted to hang by a coworker. He is funny, cute, sweet, and seems like such a hard worker....Did I mention cute???? I am so happy to see that I am able to move on from what has happened. I needed that extra little push...and I got it. If its not meant to be, it wont work out....and it didnt work! I like how I told everyone about my cute coworker and now we are talking and hanging out. Things like this make my faith get higher and higher, I am amazed. I work today and I cant wait to go because its a theme day! We have to dress like "NY Dolls" lalalalove it. I am wearing my spandex leather leggings with a new sequins tank I bought and some new heels with a hat i just bought! I think Im a little to excited ahah. Tonight should be a busy one too, its Saturday night. We just got a new line in and Its Paris inspired! I have to shower and get ready for work in a little. I cant believe Christmas is right around the corner, I need to star thinking about what I am going to buy for my family. Does anyone understand how fun Christmas time is?? I want to go to Disneyland, I love the way they set it up this time around. I was thinking back a little and seeing how my style has changed alot. I was pretty plain, I like more flashy &edgy things. I thank my work for that. I am currently listening to my myspace play list. you all should add me. myspace.com/lovefool23 . I am going to try and blog more about what is going on so you dont have to sit and read this looong entry. Anways I wish the best for you all, and hope you all are having an amazing time. Also before I leave I want to say dont let people get you down with their gossip. They are threatened by you and your amazingness that they have to shoot you down for their pleasure. Its sad and pathetic, Smile because they are jealous of you and what you have. There is no point in getting upset because you know who you are and thats what matters. Thats all! love you all.



xoxo gia

"leather and jeans, garage glamorous"

So i just started working and knew i was in need for some new things. I got steve madden boots, my fave! i got two leggings. one at the bottom has golden studs...i dont know about you but i love studs. the other pair is a poly-spandex..they are so comfy! I bought a new top. what you see is the back. it has a racer back with sequins. sequins are amazing!! the last thing i got was the skirt, which has ruffles along the whole dress. on my first day i wore the skirt with a v neck tucked under and tights with my steve madden flats. it was so cute, i was all excited about it. with my first paycheck im taking my sister shopping, and an ex out to dinner..then buying more clothes! i desperately need new clothes! so today i was thinking about alot of things. im always thinking but today it was alot alot of thinking. i was wondering why people can take advantage of peoples feelings and use it against them! its so worng but, so many people do it. someone did this to me the other day but im not so mad at them but, more myself. i let this happen, and let it get that way. someone talked to me today and helped me with my dilemma. he said to me "you must love yourself before you can love anyone else" i must work on that. maybe once i can do that i can find someone special. last night was such a nice low key night! my sister and i got ice cream, came home and made some mashed potatoes. later on we watched the shinning. its such a good and older movie. crazy how much older it is and still is pretty creepy. so i just started to listening to this guy Nick V..he's an amazing musician. cannot stop listening to oh no! http://www.myspace.com/overlandmusic there is the link...you should listen to it. help him out! the song makes me smile and happy. so i dont work for another week! im excited to go back for some more training, its fun! im loving the weather that we are having. gloomy skies, cold nights, and all. winter is my favorite time of all! i love this season. its a season that makes you want to find someone to be with. someone to snuggle with and drink tea with. maybe just maybe! i want to get a pink Christmas tree and decorate it with white and silver, it would be so cute. i think this might be it for today, i have to get ready and get some things done!


xoxo

pleasure and pain

For a while now ive had alot on my mind. I wonder if Im meant to be alone. I find someone..like them..things get deeper then..my feelings are gone and out the door. Why am I unable to feel something deep for someone like I once did? Maybe I haven't found the right person or maybe its just me. I like being able to text or call or even see someone who makes me feel special and pretty. I dont know what its wrong. Other than that I have been ok. I started work officially yesterday! It was harder than I thought but, still so much fun! All my coworkers helped out when I needed them and the managers also helped. It was nice. I go back next week for my second training. I got home around 5 something, I was so tired it was insane. I didnt end up going to bed early though, I watched sid and nancy twise! When i started to really drift off I out on forgetting sarah marshall. Such great films! Im sittting here listening to pleasure and pain by steve jones. Im obsessed with it right now. Ive been listening to The Cars a lot also. School is starting soon, I dont feel too excited right now...money issues are getting the best of me right now. I wish I had started looking for a job earlier so I would have the 2,000 already. All i can do is move on though, save and then pay as soon as I can. I just hope I'll have enough!! I have way too much on my mind, I need to relax. I might see my friend tonight, he'll be able to keep me distracted and laughing. Im thinking about having a beauty day, rejuvenate myself a little. Ive had such bad stress I have crazy heartburn and terrible knotts in my back. Im a mess at 18 lol, just pathetic. Anyways, Im going to have a beauty day. You all should treat yourself to some pampering also!







xoxo

"There's no stopping the show With your pretty pink bow"

wow it feels like such a long time since i have been on here. i have been up to my knees in chaos. alot has happened since i last was on here. i have moved back to my hometown Orange! so happy to be back. i have been out and about thats is why i havent posted! a couple weekends ago i went to temecula to visit....i wanted to see someone who i had "liked" for a long while. i got picked up around 12 and got to temecula around 1 20 or so. talked to my dad, the baby(brother) and my grandma! it was nice to see them all. it felt a little weird at first but then i got used to it. took a nap and texted that dazzling man. i ended up going to the festival with him and it was funny, we expected better and it let us down. i was so happy to be with him that i didnt really care. i was just so excited to see him. we then walked to his place and talked. then things got intense. i was soo happy i was shaking. i never thought that something between us would happen because he was in a relationship with someone for a lifetime. i ended up going home around 3 am. such an amazing night! that saturday i went out with my friend steve and he took me to dinner and to see saw 6! we had so much fun. we laughed soo much about things like rice and a crispy fry. i had a blast with him. then my night went to a halt when i found out my bestfriend was in an accident. that was the worst feeling in the world. i have never felt so scared or so sad in my entire life. thats why i think we should always appreciate things while they are here because you never know when they will be gone. we always take things for granted and say "i'll see him later and say sorry"....there isnt always a later for some. anyways later i found out he was ok. then sunday alex(step sister) woke me up at 5 to open the door for her. she had just got back from mexico with her family. we talked till we couldnt even make a complete sentence. we then decided to go to the movies and the dazzling man said he wanted to see me and take me to lunch. so we went to the mall, waited for people to get there and my sister left me and the guy at red robins. hmmm it was so nice to feel the way he made me feel. i havent been so happy in a long time. right at this moment i feel my cheeks getting hot. he is just so amazing and i have such a wonderful time with him. i was so sad when i had to leave. i got my goodbye kiss and hug. then i got back home to reality. i do have a job now! i got hired at forever 21, im soo happy. i need the money for school....which i start in jan! im so thankful to have landed the job but i have so much crap going on. two nights ago i had the worst fight ever. i have never cried so hard my entire life i thought i was going to lose someone who meant to world to me. this person had got me through the toughest times and i couldnt believe he could walk out on me like that. i have been hurt so much. BUT ahha....that dazzling man said he wanted me to be him roomie. we are getting a studio apartment together. yeah yeah...little fast? you have to live life to the fullest because you dont know when your time is over. i dont want to live my life anymore thinking "what if i did this or said this" im so done with that shit. i want to have a fun and good life. i have a job, a chase card, a great family and good friends! i want to enjoy my time. im 18 and well capable of making decisions whether they are good ones or bad ones. you learn from all the decisions you make in life. im really excited about things. you know even though you have alot of bad shit happening to you..there are always things out there to keep you busy and happy. whether its someone or something. surround yourself with things that make you happy at all times. im so thankful that my mom was there when i got home the other night. i was hysteric and couldnt even breathe. i had flashbacks on the times that me and mt friend had...and broke down. i thought back to when my first love left me and how it hurt so much more when my friend walked out on me. i cried so much i made myself sick. it was the most terrible thing. i never ever want to go through that again..nor do i wish for anyone to feel the way i did. it was a nasty feeling....to wake up after you cry yourself to sleep then wake up to the harsh reality that last night wasnt a nightmare but it happened. i feel like i am all over the place with this blog, i have so much i want to say and find it so hard to explain it all. i should probably stop before i confuse everyone. i hope everyone is well and make sure that if you are fighting with someone that you love...make up. you really never know when your time or theirs are up. make amends. goodnight everyone!




xoxo

life! life! life!

Life can be so crazy sometimes. I have done some stupid things, but they have taught me. I'm currently waiting for some information i'll be receiving soon, I hope. This weekend was nice we had family and my sister was here. We rented movies and stayed up all night to talk. My sister understands me and I feel like I can tell her anything. All this stress has really taken a toll on me, its very unhealthy. I haven't eaten much and feel like complete poo. Oh yes, I'm also moving in two weeks and trying to still get my bank account ready and my pay pall then all my things I'm selling will be listed. I took the Pictures already but I need the accounts first! I have been in love with Beverly Hills for 2 years now, one day I'll be there. I love how glamorous it is.

xoxo

Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you, Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you

This is from last night<3. I finally went to bed at 6:30 am, it was amazing! I watched the host with my brother. Then we were going to bed when I realized we still weren't sleepy. He started to play WOW and I went downstairs to join my Dad for breakfast! I need to make a paypal account and get a bank account before Im able to sell my things! have a great day! xoxo

dream a little dream of me

These past couple of days have been so intense. I have figured out alot and Im so happy that I did. I did end my relationship with my boyfriend, I leave only good wish's behind. Ive noticed sometimes when I try to help people they take it for granted. I go out of my way to help them and sometimes I dont get thank you's..or when I need help, they turn the other cheek. I tried to help someone who I dearly love and got a big "FUCK YOU". I know Im not the most perfect person but, when I say im going to change...I work on it to make me a better person. On a happier note i love some of the people i meet on twitter. like NZAfro..aka Adam. He took a picture for me &i did it in return. Were so lovely hahaha. I'll post pictures up soon! xoxo

love kills

since i have gotten back here to murrieta ive been thinking alot. maybe a little more that i should, cause i tend to get really sick when i do. im am so unsure about everything..school, relationship and moving. i feel so desperate to figure it all out. my emotions are literally a rollercoaster, i feel like im going round and round like a carousel. hmm, things will get better. they have to.

peach girl

I have been watching this non stop. I am in love with this show! I think i like it even more because its kind of the story of my life. Hahaha. Im going back to temecula today and having my dad sign the fafsa papers and enroll in paul mitchell. Im so excited but yet nervous at the same time! I'll be alone haha. This will be the 3 time moving in one year, I guess i just cant stay put. Im going to be selling or giving away some of my clothes. I'll have to get settled in and take the pictures. They will all be cheap and in good shape! I'll keep it posted. :] i hope everyone has a great and amazing day.


xoxo
gia

hot &sour soup

So i tried this hot and sour soup. it was very bland and dont recomend getting it from a box. today was a nice day because i went to see my bestfriend. untill he told me that he doesnt see him living for more than 4 years. that made my head spin and me lose my breath. i swear i almost fainted. call me a cry baby or whatever. but when you love someone as much as i love him the same thing would happen to you. it took me a while to catch my breath im so glad he was there to help me not have a panic attack! after that i felt a little better, then bam the energy drink started to take effect and i got jittery. it was terrible and sad because i still feel it! haha i drove again and almost crashed..fml. yeah i was on the ramp and ahh so scary! haha. im feeling a little tired tonight which it good because i never get sleep! tomorrow i leave..maybe for only a weekend or maybe for a month. we'll have to see what happens with the papers from fafsa. i hope they all get filled so i can start school asap!! i want a leather jacket so bad. i saw one at active for 92$. super cute! i think im going to make myself a cup of tea and finish the notorious bette paige movie. goodnight everyone.

xoxo.

over people trying to convince that college is the way to go. for them it could be or could have been but not for me. i went to a continuation school because i had problems in school, and i just dont like the idea of having a boring desk job. i was made to be in cosmetology. thats where im going, i will be super busy with that and work. i will have no time to do anything besides that &they want me to take a couple classes. forget it. school for me is monday-saturday and starts at 9 am to 5pm. then work after that. my only free day would be sunday where i will be doing my homework and catching up on missed sleep. i understand that they are trying to help me out but its just crazy sometimes. i have made up my mind on what i am doing and dont need college to open up my own salon, or be a hairdresser/makeup artist. there was another of my little rants. i just get so heated when people come at me in attack mode about school. have a wonderful day.



xoxo
gia

mysterious skin

i need a new amazing book to read. i have been in a coaster of moods, and im stressing trying to get ready to school. i went to temecula today, and then drove to costa mesa all within 4 hrs. i turned 18 september 3rd and had such a great lunch with the family. it was just so amazing. i have also learned that you cant hold grudges, you end up getting even more hurt. sometimes things happen for a reason. they shape you to who you are today and should be thankful. last year me and a friend ended a friendship because of me being unable to forgive her for what she did to me. a year later i reaize what i did was wrong and i went about the whole situation wrong. i am truly sorry for the way things ended up and i have been trying to contact her to apoligize. i think if i do i will feel a whole lot better. i have also been texting one of my ex's who i thought i coud never forgive. right now were actually having a good and solid text conversation. mostly about life and school, it feels nice to be able to be friends.by the way i realize i havent made a blog in a long time, i have been dealing with some issue's that had to be resolved. i must admit i ahve been getting a little low, but i know things will get better. ive been so stressed im cauing myself stomach problems and im only 18 haha. its terrible. but things will get better. im happy i have an amazin family, they all have offered me good advice and are always there when i need them. this summer has really been a life changer, ive done a great amount of maturing. thats something that i am very proud of haha. so i had my birthday lunch on september 5th. it was a small little get together but was just so amazing and cute. my grandma bought me a cute blue and black dress, and got to wear 4 inch heels. amazing i walked in them all day! i made some money and eded up buying myself a guess purse, betsey johnson stockings, the movies: lars and the real girl and girl interrupted, lunch for me and a friend, and gas money for my boyfriends friend. as presendt i got a cute little notebook for my little thoughts, ps i love you perfume &lotion from bath a body work shop, midnight pomegranite from bath a body work shop, i got an Elizabeth Arden sunflower perfume(amazing), i got a 25 $visa card, a 40$ visa card, 50$, and a bunch of amazing hugs. however, i did end up getting hurt(as always). i almost broke my knuckles, i have bruises all over my legs. my hand(where i almost broke my knuckles) is still bruised up and i hit my hand this morning so i now have a bruise on a bruise. welcome to my life lol. mm im eating pita bread with lebni cheese(middle eastern cheese). super tasty, i reccomend trying it! i cant get enough of it lol. mmm im also in the mood for strawberry juice or peach tea! MMMM. sounds great! i dont know if i mentioned the cake in the picture above, yeah my grandma made it. it was so good! i still have some left over! i hope everyone is doing well, im off to go get some things done!


xoxo. GIA

time after time

so i've been in orange for a little time. im glad to be here so i can clear my head. im lucky because i have gotten to see the one i love a couple time and every time im with him i forget everything that is bothering me. i totally broke down the other day and my mom had agreed to help me figure out whats going on with school. sometimes i dont even know what to do or think. i have so many things going on its hard to focus. i have to start planning on starting in temecula and moving on a later date. sometimes im just unhappy where i am at. i havent figured it out, its not the people. just the place an whta ive been doing. i get so down, i dont know how low i have to get before i really snap or get sick like last year. i hope i can figure this all out soon. im getting tired of having high hopes and having them crach and burn.


xoxo

such a lovley thought

so ive had alot on my mind latley, i hate being as pensive as i am. for some reason i just done seem to be happy. i can try and brush it up but it all comes back to me, mostly at night. it seems like im trying to move but am stuck in qicksand. not to mention alone. i know there are people who love me, but i dont want to bring them down. i would rather suffer in silence. last night it hit me bad, i thought i was actually going to be sick. im glad i grabed that bread and tea. i was drowning myself in tea, past regreats and cigarettes. my 18th birthday however is near and im excited. i wanna fresh start from all of this. i just want to be happy &not have to fake that something isnt wrong when there really is. i think im really lost on how i feel. i want things to be ok, and i think me brushing it off makes it all worse. i still feel a little sick and thank god because that means no conditioning for me today. i just dont have the strength to do it, both mentally and physically. i hate having to deal with this alone. i dont know where my bestfriend nor my boyfriend is. i think even if i did, i wouldnt want to make them feel sad or bad about how i feel. alot has to do with them both. i think the distance is straining both of these relationships. i dislike having to act fake. i cant even force a smile on my face and the one who see's that is my dad. he knows when something is wrong with me, he always does. im very stressed right now, and its eating me away...kind of slowly too. i think i might go for a walk to let some of this blow over. then again i might start crying cause i think alot when i walk. why do things have to turn when they get good? just wondering why i get fucked over. i want to go to the beach and sit and just think. the beach has always been a good place to go. i enjoy it more than anything else lol. ahhh, i have so much going through my mind. i know everything will be ok, i just need to think and think till i cant anymore. i feel like im babling on i should be go productive.

xoxox

gia

permit

i got my permit finally lol! it happened yesterday! then i drove and almost crashed..again. im a little hazardous! ive warned everyone haha. we waited in line forever then i had to take my photo, after that i took the test! i missed 5 lol i could have missed 3 more and would have been fine. i called my mom after i found out i got it lol. she was happy. i should be getting my car on my birthday! thats so exciting! yesterday we went to conditioning again. it wasnt so bad! im a little sore today but for the most part i feel ok. me being the clutz i am fell, i dont think anyone noticed though. so that was kind of nice lol. right now im sitting on my bed and looking at my collage of pictures, there are so many on here. i took a picture so you can see a little part of it lol. i takes of half of my wall. its going to be a pain in the ass to take it off...which will be soon! im moving by october if not earlier:] i sure hope everything goes well. i will be tight on money but it will teach me to save and how to have a budget. im very excited lol. thats all i have for today! have an amazing day.

dreams

"a dream you dream alone is only a dream. a dream you dream together is a reality". i like that, a lot actually hahh. its 1 am and my sleeping problems are getting the best of me. luckily i have my boyfriend who is awake to talk to. im two months older than him lol, that's what our conversation is about. also that my birth day is very near (23days) and i cant wait! im excited to go out to the strip club with my cousin and funny my mom lol. she knows all the good ones...so she says ahaha. then idk what happens after that. hang with my bestfriend and then see my boyfriend. i keep wondering why i am so clumsy. just this week i have fallen like 643 times..broke the toilet paper holder..tripped over little things and somehow managed to fall in the shower. more than once by the way. that was the most painful. the weddig singer is on, i really this this is one of the cutest movies lol...and also has a good soundtrack. my little sister is dead asleep on my bed. she is so cute when she is sleeping. the both of us havent gotten much sleep. tomorrow i have to go to the dmv and take my permit test, yes...permit. i have lagged on getting anything done in the past years. i think it was because of last year. oh well i learned a lesson and im paying the price now. i havent really read all the book but i know what i have been reading. wish me luck! im going to attempt to sleep. this has to be the earliest ive even been in bed. goodnight!

sick like sid and nancy

last night i was in my room and watching tv. then all of a sudden Sid and Nancy comes on, so i decided to watch it. i am in love with that movie! its so crazy how they could beat te ell out out each other and still be madly in love with each other. their love for each other was insanely deep. a little crazy but for the most part i do believe that they truly loved each other more than words can explain. so today was a pretty interesting day, i ended up going to bed this morning around 5 or 6 am. my sleeping problems are getting the best of me. we were celebrating my aunts birthday(who btw doesn't even like me). there where kids all over the place and noise in every room of this house. its a pretty big house too. it was CHAOS. kids screaming is not something that i really like to hear when im trying to take a 15 minute nap. nor do i like bitching adults. both rub me the wrong way lol. these days it seems like little things keep bothering me, i link it back to stress. nobody is really being helpful with mt moving or school situation. its all talk but nothing. i just want to be on my own now, where i dont have to worry about anything but me. ive been waiting to be on my own since i was 15. thats when i decided i was ok on my own lol. maybe then i couldnt have taken care of myself..but im sure now i can do a much better job. im tired of getting in trouble for the way i eat, or what i think and very tired of not being able to see my boyfriend when i please. its been 24 days and yet it feels like a life time the distance makes it harder but i know its worth it. he's worth it. wow i feel anxious right now. i think that thinking about everything it makes me more aware of all the things happening. im trying to deal with alot at once. and my dad says not to worry...but if i dont worry nothing will ever get done and i'll be stuck here. not that living here is bad...its nice but i want to be alone. there are 8 of us living in one house. you dont always get to have your own alone time and don't have alot of privacy. i also have noticed how much i miss my mom. she can make me so mad sometimes but ive learned she means well. i like how she would just come up to me and give me hugs and kiss me an tell me she loves me. seeing her cry when i left her home still makes my eyes watery. im going to be closer to her though. just when i get out of this place. and move into my apartment. school starts in about 3 months so it will go by pretty fast. i hope that things work out the way i want them to. im getting my hair cut soon, ready for some change! i'll put pics up when i get it done. last night while i was talking to my best friend i realized how much care for him. we've been friends since 7th grade. im lucky to have him, very lucky actually. he tells me when im being a bitch and isnt afraid to hurt my feelings. i like it cause at least he is honest with me. so i know when he says he loves me i know he means it. i cant wait to see him too, should be a great day! anyways we were talking on the phone and i was telling him how someone had texted me and how i wasnt sure how i felt about it. and then i realized something..."to err is to human; to forgive is divine" i think i have forgiven the person who has hurt me the most. this person may have not even known that i was still hurting because of what happened. but i was and was bitter for a long time. Ive reached a part in my life where i looked back and seen that you have to learn to forgive. take all the time you need, i took me more than a year and a couple months. but i finally feel ok about what happened. after all it is something of the past. i like epiphanies, they make you feel so much better in the end, at least in my case. i seriously could go on and on. i'll leave the rest of my thoughts for the next one.










think different.

getting started

hello to anyone who is reading this, my name is Gianna..call me Gia or Gigi. i have to say getting this started was a little confusing but i think i have the hang of it all. blogging is my new addiction and obsession. so is that show Its on with Alexa Chung, amazing.this morning has been pretty action packed, ive been fixing, downloading, and rearranging all sorts of things. i feel like i still have so much to do. im supposed to be moving soon and i havent done much about that. today i have conditioning with my sister alex. i have a feeling im going to be so sore! its ok, i need to get into shape and be healthy! one of my new year resolutions(havent been keeping up). so thats kinda of something i am looking forward to. today has been an inspiring day, i cant really say why. i cannot wait to start at paul mitchell, i love beauty. i feel excited to just get out there and start my life. maybe thats why. the summer is near the end! finally, ive been waiting for a while already for the summer to end and get to cosmetology school. im going to cut my long hair short when i start school, i need a new look anyways. so lately ive had so many thoughts, as always ahah. i so think alot and have to say alot. ive learned that sometimes you grow apart from people but sometimes its for the best. you make bonds with new people. &those people who have helped me get through some things i truly thank them. as i type this i was watching my dog laying down staring at herself in my mirror. haha she makes me happy. ive also learned that there are very malicious people out there. ive had to deal with some this summer and i could do without their dramatic lifestyle. speaking of life....im happy right now. i have an amazing family(both sides)(&step family), i have a wonderful and simply amazing boyfriend, and the greatest best friend ever. not only that im moving out this September to the oc beach area, and get my car soon. life couldnt be more amazing. im so thankful for everything i have and am getting. i owe many thank you's to so many people. im so excited.