"There's no stopping the show With your pretty pink bow"

wow it feels like such a long time since i have been on here. i have been up to my knees in chaos. alot has happened since i last was on here. i have moved back to my hometown Orange! so happy to be back. i have been out and about thats is why i havent posted! a couple weekends ago i went to temecula to visit....i wanted to see someone who i had "liked" for a long while. i got picked up around 12 and got to temecula around 1 20 or so. talked to my dad, the baby(brother) and my grandma! it was nice to see them all. it felt a little weird at first but then i got used to it. took a nap and texted that dazzling man. i ended up going to the festival with him and it was funny, we expected better and it let us down. i was so happy to be with him that i didnt really care. i was just so excited to see him. we then walked to his place and talked. then things got intense. i was soo happy i was shaking. i never thought that something between us would happen because he was in a relationship with someone for a lifetime. i ended up going home around 3 am. such an amazing night! that saturday i went out with my friend steve and he took me to dinner and to see saw 6! we had so much fun. we laughed soo much about things like rice and a crispy fry. i had a blast with him. then my night went to a halt when i found out my bestfriend was in an accident. that was the worst feeling in the world. i have never felt so scared or so sad in my entire life. thats why i think we should always appreciate things while they are here because you never know when they will be gone. we always take things for granted and say "i'll see him later and say sorry"....there isnt always a later for some. anyways later i found out he was ok. then sunday alex(step sister) woke me up at 5 to open the door for her. she had just got back from mexico with her family. we talked till we couldnt even make a complete sentence. we then decided to go to the movies and the dazzling man said he wanted to see me and take me to lunch. so we went to the mall, waited for people to get there and my sister left me and the guy at red robins. hmmm it was so nice to feel the way he made me feel. i havent been so happy in a long time. right at this moment i feel my cheeks getting hot. he is just so amazing and i have such a wonderful time with him. i was so sad when i had to leave. i got my goodbye kiss and hug. then i got back home to reality. i do have a job now! i got hired at forever 21, im soo happy. i need the money for school....which i start in jan! im so thankful to have landed the job but i have so much crap going on. two nights ago i had the worst fight ever. i have never cried so hard my entire life i thought i was going to lose someone who meant to world to me. this person had got me through the toughest times and i couldnt believe he could walk out on me like that. i have been hurt so much. BUT ahha....that dazzling man said he wanted me to be him roomie. we are getting a studio apartment together. yeah yeah...little fast? you have to live life to the fullest because you dont know when your time is over. i dont want to live my life anymore thinking "what if i did this or said this" im so done with that shit. i want to have a fun and good life. i have a job, a chase card, a great family and good friends! i want to enjoy my time. im 18 and well capable of making decisions whether they are good ones or bad ones. you learn from all the decisions you make in life. im really excited about things. you know even though you have alot of bad shit happening to you..there are always things out there to keep you busy and happy. whether its someone or something. surround yourself with things that make you happy at all times. im so thankful that my mom was there when i got home the other night. i was hysteric and couldnt even breathe. i had flashbacks on the times that me and mt friend had...and broke down. i thought back to when my first love left me and how it hurt so much more when my friend walked out on me. i cried so much i made myself sick. it was the most terrible thing. i never ever want to go through that again..nor do i wish for anyone to feel the way i did. it was a nasty feeling....to wake up after you cry yourself to sleep then wake up to the harsh reality that last night wasnt a nightmare but it happened. i feel like i am all over the place with this blog, i have so much i want to say and find it so hard to explain it all. i should probably stop before i confuse everyone. i hope everyone is well and make sure that if you are fighting with someone that you love...make up. you really never know when your time or theirs are up. make amends. goodnight everyone!




xoxo