last night i was in my room and watching tv. then all of a sudden Sid and Nancy comes on, so i decided to watch it. i am in love with that movie! its so crazy how they could beat te ell out out each other and still be madly in love with each other. their love for each other was insanely deep. a little crazy but for the most part i do believe that they truly loved each other more than words can explain. so today was a pretty interesting day, i ended up going to bed this morning around 5 or 6 am. my sleeping problems are getting the best of me. we were celebrating my aunts birthday(who btw doesn't even like me). there where kids all over the place and noise in every room of this house. its a pretty big house too. it was CHAOS. kids screaming is not something that i really like to hear when im trying to take a 15 minute nap. nor do i like bitching adults. both rub me the wrong way lol. these days it seems like little things keep bothering me, i link it back to stress. nobody is really being helpful with mt moving or school situation. its all talk but nothing. i just want to be on my own now, where i dont have to worry about anything but me. ive been waiting to be on my own since i was 15. thats when i decided i was ok on my own lol. maybe then i couldnt have taken care of myself..but im sure now i can do a much better job. im tired of getting in trouble for the way i eat, or what i think and very tired of not being able to see my boyfriend when i please. its been 24 days and yet it feels like a life time the distance makes it harder but i know its worth it. he's worth it. wow i feel anxious right now. i think that thinking about everything it makes me more aware of all the things happening. im trying to deal with alot at once. and my dad says not to worry...but if i dont worry nothing will ever get done and i'll be stuck here. not that living here is bad...its nice but i want to be alone. there are 8 of us living in one house. you dont always get to have your own alone time and don't have alot of privacy. i also have noticed how much i miss my mom. she can make me so mad sometimes but ive learned she means well. i like how she would just come up to me and give me hugs and kiss me an tell me she loves me. seeing her cry when i left her home still makes my eyes watery. im going to be closer to her though. just when i get out of this place. and move into my apartment. school starts in about 3 months so it will go by pretty fast. i hope that things work out the way i want them to. im getting my hair cut soon, ready for some change! i'll put pics up when i get it done. last night while i was talking to my best friend i realized how much care for him. we've been friends since 7th grade. im lucky to have him, very lucky actually. he tells me when im being a bitch and isnt afraid to hurt my feelings. i like it cause at least he is honest with me. so i know when he says he loves me i know he means it. i cant wait to see him too, should be a great day! anyways we were talking on the phone and i was telling him how someone had texted me and how i wasnt sure how i felt about it. and then i realized something..."to err is to human; to forgive is divine" i think i have forgiven the person who has hurt me the most. this person may have not even known that i was still hurting because of what happened. but i was and was bitter for a long time. Ive reached a part in my life where i looked back and seen that you have to learn to forgive. take all the time you need, i took me more than a year and a couple months. but i finally feel ok about what happened. after all it is something of the past. i like epiphanies, they make you feel so much better in the end, at least in my case. i seriously could go on and on. i'll leave the rest of my thoughts for the next one.
think different.
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