time after time

so i've been in orange for a little time. im glad to be here so i can clear my head. im lucky because i have gotten to see the one i love a couple time and every time im with him i forget everything that is bothering me. i totally broke down the other day and my mom had agreed to help me figure out whats going on with school. sometimes i dont even know what to do or think. i have so many things going on its hard to focus. i have to start planning on starting in temecula and moving on a later date. sometimes im just unhappy where i am at. i havent figured it out, its not the people. just the place an whta ive been doing. i get so down, i dont know how low i have to get before i really snap or get sick like last year. i hope i can figure this all out soon. im getting tired of having high hopes and having them crach and burn.


xoxo

such a lovley thought

so ive had alot on my mind latley, i hate being as pensive as i am. for some reason i just done seem to be happy. i can try and brush it up but it all comes back to me, mostly at night. it seems like im trying to move but am stuck in qicksand. not to mention alone. i know there are people who love me, but i dont want to bring them down. i would rather suffer in silence. last night it hit me bad, i thought i was actually going to be sick. im glad i grabed that bread and tea. i was drowning myself in tea, past regreats and cigarettes. my 18th birthday however is near and im excited. i wanna fresh start from all of this. i just want to be happy &not have to fake that something isnt wrong when there really is. i think im really lost on how i feel. i want things to be ok, and i think me brushing it off makes it all worse. i still feel a little sick and thank god because that means no conditioning for me today. i just dont have the strength to do it, both mentally and physically. i hate having to deal with this alone. i dont know where my bestfriend nor my boyfriend is. i think even if i did, i wouldnt want to make them feel sad or bad about how i feel. alot has to do with them both. i think the distance is straining both of these relationships. i dislike having to act fake. i cant even force a smile on my face and the one who see's that is my dad. he knows when something is wrong with me, he always does. im very stressed right now, and its eating me away...kind of slowly too. i think i might go for a walk to let some of this blow over. then again i might start crying cause i think alot when i walk. why do things have to turn when they get good? just wondering why i get fucked over. i want to go to the beach and sit and just think. the beach has always been a good place to go. i enjoy it more than anything else lol. ahhh, i have so much going through my mind. i know everything will be ok, i just need to think and think till i cant anymore. i feel like im babling on i should be go productive.

xoxox

gia

permit

i got my permit finally lol! it happened yesterday! then i drove and almost crashed..again. im a little hazardous! ive warned everyone haha. we waited in line forever then i had to take my photo, after that i took the test! i missed 5 lol i could have missed 3 more and would have been fine. i called my mom after i found out i got it lol. she was happy. i should be getting my car on my birthday! thats so exciting! yesterday we went to conditioning again. it wasnt so bad! im a little sore today but for the most part i feel ok. me being the clutz i am fell, i dont think anyone noticed though. so that was kind of nice lol. right now im sitting on my bed and looking at my collage of pictures, there are so many on here. i took a picture so you can see a little part of it lol. i takes of half of my wall. its going to be a pain in the ass to take it off...which will be soon! im moving by october if not earlier:] i sure hope everything goes well. i will be tight on money but it will teach me to save and how to have a budget. im very excited lol. thats all i have for today! have an amazing day.

dreams

"a dream you dream alone is only a dream. a dream you dream together is a reality". i like that, a lot actually hahh. its 1 am and my sleeping problems are getting the best of me. luckily i have my boyfriend who is awake to talk to. im two months older than him lol, that's what our conversation is about. also that my birth day is very near (23days) and i cant wait! im excited to go out to the strip club with my cousin and funny my mom lol. she knows all the good ones...so she says ahaha. then idk what happens after that. hang with my bestfriend and then see my boyfriend. i keep wondering why i am so clumsy. just this week i have fallen like 643 times..broke the toilet paper holder..tripped over little things and somehow managed to fall in the shower. more than once by the way. that was the most painful. the weddig singer is on, i really this this is one of the cutest movies lol...and also has a good soundtrack. my little sister is dead asleep on my bed. she is so cute when she is sleeping. the both of us havent gotten much sleep. tomorrow i have to go to the dmv and take my permit test, yes...permit. i have lagged on getting anything done in the past years. i think it was because of last year. oh well i learned a lesson and im paying the price now. i havent really read all the book but i know what i have been reading. wish me luck! im going to attempt to sleep. this has to be the earliest ive even been in bed. goodnight!

sick like sid and nancy

last night i was in my room and watching tv. then all of a sudden Sid and Nancy comes on, so i decided to watch it. i am in love with that movie! its so crazy how they could beat te ell out out each other and still be madly in love with each other. their love for each other was insanely deep. a little crazy but for the most part i do believe that they truly loved each other more than words can explain. so today was a pretty interesting day, i ended up going to bed this morning around 5 or 6 am. my sleeping problems are getting the best of me. we were celebrating my aunts birthday(who btw doesn't even like me). there where kids all over the place and noise in every room of this house. its a pretty big house too. it was CHAOS. kids screaming is not something that i really like to hear when im trying to take a 15 minute nap. nor do i like bitching adults. both rub me the wrong way lol. these days it seems like little things keep bothering me, i link it back to stress. nobody is really being helpful with mt moving or school situation. its all talk but nothing. i just want to be on my own now, where i dont have to worry about anything but me. ive been waiting to be on my own since i was 15. thats when i decided i was ok on my own lol. maybe then i couldnt have taken care of myself..but im sure now i can do a much better job. im tired of getting in trouble for the way i eat, or what i think and very tired of not being able to see my boyfriend when i please. its been 24 days and yet it feels like a life time the distance makes it harder but i know its worth it. he's worth it. wow i feel anxious right now. i think that thinking about everything it makes me more aware of all the things happening. im trying to deal with alot at once. and my dad says not to worry...but if i dont worry nothing will ever get done and i'll be stuck here. not that living here is bad...its nice but i want to be alone. there are 8 of us living in one house. you dont always get to have your own alone time and don't have alot of privacy. i also have noticed how much i miss my mom. she can make me so mad sometimes but ive learned she means well. i like how she would just come up to me and give me hugs and kiss me an tell me she loves me. seeing her cry when i left her home still makes my eyes watery. im going to be closer to her though. just when i get out of this place. and move into my apartment. school starts in about 3 months so it will go by pretty fast. i hope that things work out the way i want them to. im getting my hair cut soon, ready for some change! i'll put pics up when i get it done. last night while i was talking to my best friend i realized how much care for him. we've been friends since 7th grade. im lucky to have him, very lucky actually. he tells me when im being a bitch and isnt afraid to hurt my feelings. i like it cause at least he is honest with me. so i know when he says he loves me i know he means it. i cant wait to see him too, should be a great day! anyways we were talking on the phone and i was telling him how someone had texted me and how i wasnt sure how i felt about it. and then i realized something..."to err is to human; to forgive is divine" i think i have forgiven the person who has hurt me the most. this person may have not even known that i was still hurting because of what happened. but i was and was bitter for a long time. Ive reached a part in my life where i looked back and seen that you have to learn to forgive. take all the time you need, i took me more than a year and a couple months. but i finally feel ok about what happened. after all it is something of the past. i like epiphanies, they make you feel so much better in the end, at least in my case. i seriously could go on and on. i'll leave the rest of my thoughts for the next one.










think different.

getting started

hello to anyone who is reading this, my name is Gianna..call me Gia or Gigi. i have to say getting this started was a little confusing but i think i have the hang of it all. blogging is my new addiction and obsession. so is that show Its on with Alexa Chung, amazing.this morning has been pretty action packed, ive been fixing, downloading, and rearranging all sorts of things. i feel like i still have so much to do. im supposed to be moving soon and i havent done much about that. today i have conditioning with my sister alex. i have a feeling im going to be so sore! its ok, i need to get into shape and be healthy! one of my new year resolutions(havent been keeping up). so thats kinda of something i am looking forward to. today has been an inspiring day, i cant really say why. i cannot wait to start at paul mitchell, i love beauty. i feel excited to just get out there and start my life. maybe thats why. the summer is near the end! finally, ive been waiting for a while already for the summer to end and get to cosmetology school. im going to cut my long hair short when i start school, i need a new look anyways. so lately ive had so many thoughts, as always ahah. i so think alot and have to say alot. ive learned that sometimes you grow apart from people but sometimes its for the best. you make bonds with new people. &those people who have helped me get through some things i truly thank them. as i type this i was watching my dog laying down staring at herself in my mirror. haha she makes me happy. ive also learned that there are very malicious people out there. ive had to deal with some this summer and i could do without their dramatic lifestyle. speaking of life....im happy right now. i have an amazing family(both sides)(&step family), i have a wonderful and simply amazing boyfriend, and the greatest best friend ever. not only that im moving out this September to the oc beach area, and get my car soon. life couldnt be more amazing. im so thankful for everything i have and am getting. i owe many thank you's to so many people. im so excited.